Foster Child #1

It's been a while since I've posted on my blog. It's not that I haven't done anything with purpose, It's just that I have done more of the same things that I've blogged about already. And then...

I got a call from a resource worker at Family and Children's Services. A set of foster parents wanted an adult weekend at their trailer park and were looking for care for their three foster children. I was asked to take the 16 year old girl Kirsten and was happy that I was available.

I spoke with the foster mom on the phone in advance to learn about this girl. I arranged to pick up Kirsten on a Saturday morning. She was quiet and shy, understandably so. I was a complete stranger to her and she had no idea what to expect over the weekend.

She was concerned that she wouldn't like what I would feed her so I decided to take her grocery shopping with me and give her some choices.

We got to my house and I showed her to her room. She would be the first person to sleep in it since it had been repainted, carpeted, and freshly decorated. She unpacked her belongings while I unpacked the groceries.

After lunch we went to the Buskers Carnival in Uptown Waterloo. We saw several acts but I didn't get the impression she was into it. We got home, had supper, and she basically just chilled in her room until bedtime.

There was no schedule for Sunday so I let her sleep as late as she wanted. When she first woke up she just watched TV in her room. I told her just to come down whenever she was ready for breakfast.

You never saw a happier girl than when Kirsten came down the steps a little later. Waking up in her own time in a quiet room was an extreme contrast to waking up to fighting between the two younger foster girls she regularly shares a room with. Her regular foster home consists of six young people and two adults so being in a house with only one other person is very different. While eating toasted waffles for breakfast, she was much more talkative than the day before.

Kirsten brought a scrapbooking project with her so after breakfast I cleared a space for her to work in my scrapbooking room. She actually completed the album she was creating as a gift. I finished a couple of odd projects myself before preparing lunch.

My first foster child had a bit more time to herself in her own room before packing up and going back home to her regular foster parents. There wasn't any feedback from Kirsten but I got the impression that for her it was like staying at a B&B.

I took a photo of Kirsten before taking her back home but can't share it for privacy reasons. Someday I will create an album of all the children who have come to stay at my home.

National Volunteer Week

I was honoured to be asked to speak of my journey at the Family and Children's Services Volunteer Recognition Dinner. As (surprisingly) nervous as I was when I first got on stage, it went very well. This is what I had to say, in both video and written format:

I’m currently reading a book by Neale Donald Walsch called Home With God. It describes life like walking through a forest with many paths to choose from. The paths are neither right nor wrong because you’ll always end up at the same place, but some are more arduous than others. So I looked up the word “arduous” – and I can explain that on some paths you will find it more difficult to achieve what you want to achieve.

I consider my purpose in life to make a positive impact on the lives of children.

My career path hasn’t made that difficult but it also hasn’t supported my purpose. I spent 20 years as a secretary – when we still called ourselves secretaries. I don’t know when that became politically incorrect – and gradually became a corporate trainer which has nothing whatsoever to do with kids.

Along that path, I did have the opportunity to raise a son of my own which, of course, was very satisfying. By the time he turned 18, although he still needed me I was already missing having a child in my life.

As someone who regularly volunteers, that was a familiar tree for me to head towards.

I used the services of the Volunteer Action Centre and for 6 years I’ve been spending time with special children in the community through Family and Children’s Services. Emails from Carrie Landry always get me excited to see what opportunities are available.

For a year I was matched with an 8 year old girl who loved playing on the computer at the library.

When that family met their goals, I was matched with a 6 year old boy who was obSESSED with fishing, driving, and being a police officer. Not beCOMing a police officer, but BEing a police officer.

During the time I was matched with a family, I helped the 15 year old daughter get her first job.

I have helped with a scrapbooking club, and a reading club. When I had time off during the work week I went to the office to count flyers and stuff envelopes.

I took a sweet 10 year old girl to a woodworking workshop and she was so shocked to learn that all 8 other kids in the room were also in foster care. She thought she was alone.

I have spent the past year with a darling girl who’s 7 now, getting her to or from dance classes and helping her improve her reading and counting skills. She makes an adorable little clown so watch for us making balloon hats at Family and Children’s Services events.

I’ve been enjoying this path through the forest where I can give love to children and make them feel valued.

Every once in awhile though, it’s been like there’s a gibbon ape – because my last name is Gibbons – up in the tree throwing coconuts at me, trying to get me on a different path.

My son has been on his own for 4 years – so I have an empty house – and there is apparently a long waiting list for grandchildren. BONK!

My sister was fostering 3 of her grandchildren – so there is a need within my own family. BONK!

The 7 year old girl I’m so attached to may require foster care. BONK! BONK!

And those ADS, rePEATing and rePEATing on the radio! BONK! So that ape directed me – to where I always knew the path would lead me someday – and I am becoming a Foster Parent.

People often commend me for doing so much for others – and show appreciation with events like this – and that’s very nice but not necessary because really, I do it for me.

I’m at the place in the forest where I feel like I am the person I am here to be, so I appreciate Family and Children’s Services for providing that opportunity.

Skeletons in the Closet

It's a very long and detailed process to become a Foster Parent. I had no idea.

I first applied in July or August, 2009. Initially, that just involved calling Family and Children's Services and sending in a completed form.

Then a Foster Parent Recruiter came to my house to get to know me a bit. Little did I know, she would give me a mountain of paperwork to assemble! This is the step they never mention on their web site or at the information night I attended. So I gathered 5 references, had a medical exam, copied my home and auto insurance policies, obtained a driver's abstract, obtained a police record (I'm clean which is good to know), and listed all the cities I've lived in, and in what years, throughout my life so they can check all Children's Aid records (I moved a lot so that was challenging). Oh, and I provided a family photo. I wouldn't be surprised if there were more items that I don't remember at the moment.

The next step was to attend PRIDE training (PRIDE = Parent Resources for Information, Development & Education) an evening a week for 9 weeks. I started the first week of 2010 and just completed the training this week. They cover all the issues that you can imagine might come along with foster kids. If you don't go running in the other direction within 9 weeks then you're very committed.

I do have a lot of questions about how a working single person manages the commitment to foster. They insist it can be done but I'm mainly concerned about childcare anytime I'm working and they are not in school. It can be expensive and that's one thing they don't pay for. The daily Per Diem is expected to cover food, toiletries, and extra use of household utilities and there isn't enough left over for childcare. So my Recruiter put me in contact with one of "many" single women who are fostering. It turned out that she had an adult daughter living with her and helping out until she retired. So I still have questions but I'm moving forward.

Now that my PRIDE training is completed, the next step is a SAFE home study. This does not mean that they come in to check that all your electrical outlets are covered, etc., which is a common misconception. SAFE = Structured Assessment Family Evaluation and involves probably 4 visits from a recruitment worker and supporting documentation. The supporting documentation refers to all the "homework" from the PRIDE training which was a lot of personal information about my own childhood that they will delve into more deeply. I anticipate they will be revealing all the skeletons in the closet!

There can be a long wait before you get to the top of a long, prioritized list of potential foster and adoptive parents waiting for their SAFE home study. However, there is a high need for foster homes for teens which I am interested in, so that makes me a priority. I'm told my home study is probably going to start within the next month. Stay tuned!

Getting Ready

Today my sister Loretta started blogging about her 50th year. Although we live over 3,000 km apart we talk on the phone very frequently and are pretty close. We share our ideas and often do things in tandem. In our discussion today about her blog the idea came that I would maybe do the same thing after I turn 49 in October. But it sounds like fun so why wait? Loretta's first blog is called "Ready, Fire, Aim". This is me getting ready.

I had to decide what specifically to blog about while I'm waiting to blog about my 50th year. I considered what is significant for me at this time in my life and decided to blog about Living On Purpose. Have you ever thought about what might be your purpose in life? I've always believed that my purpose is to have a positive impact on the lives of children. In 2010 I happen to be doing a lot of things in my life that specifically relate to my purpose and I call that "Living On Purpose".

One of the things I'm doing is volunteering with Family and Children's Services, as I have been for over five years, and I really love the children I have been involved with. I have had several one on one matches which involves taking a child out approximately once a week, like a Big Brother/Big Sister. I have also helped with a woodworking club and a scrapbooking club for foster children. Occasionally I get out the old clown costume and help with their fundraising events. My current match is a 7 year old girl who makes a wonderful assistant clown.

Foster Parenting was modelled for me by my grandparents and aunts on my dad's side and I have always known it to be something I would do. My son has been on his own for a few years and there's a long waiting period for grandchildren. Meanwhile, I have an empty house and an open heart and there are so many children in need. So I have taken my volunteering with Family and Children's Services to the next level and applied to be a Foster Parent. I don't know how it will all work out yet, as a single woman whose job includes a lot of business travel lately, but it feels right so Ready, Fire!

Another thing I'm doing (with Loretta) is Wonderful, Powerful ME! Workshops for Kids - Empowering children to live an authentic life through the law of attraction. It is a way of applying my purpose to more children at the same time. Ultimately, I would like to expand this effort to include public speaking. Impacting large groups of parents/adult influences would indirectly impact even more children.

After watching Oprah one day, I embraced the whole concept of impacting more children in the world by impacting women. Women have a tremendous impact on their families and communities so when you help a girl or woman....oh just watch Oprah's video on "The Girl Effect". My point is that I decided to sponsor a woman in a country affected by war through Women For Women. I have been matched with a woman in Sudan, referred to as my sister, named Monica. She and her husband care for 5 children. I'd say she is a very good match considering my purpose.

I didn't initially relate it to my purpose, but I have been micro-lending through Kiva since July 2008. Whenever the entrepreneurs make payments, I recirculate the original money into new loans. I have made a total of 14 loans so far. The minimum loan is $25 so I'm not talking about a fortune here. I seem to have consistently chosen entrepreneurs who have children and a large number of the loans were for women or groups of women. So even though it wasn't consciously on purpose, my lending practices have actually demonstrated me Living On Purpose.

So there you go. Five things I'll be blogging about:
Family and Children's Services,
Foster Parenting,
Kiva microloans,
Women for Women,
Wonderful Powerful ME,
....and whatever else comes up that's On Purpose.